IF Competition Discussion: The Immortal

Comments follow the cut.

This is another one I gave up on early, I’m afraid. The problem this time? This is one of those stories that starts off with the player character being thrown through incomprehensible situations, having all sorts of unexplained physical sensations (smells, jolts of energy, bursts of light, hallucinated verbal messages), and generally being bullied this way and that by psychic phenomena. And I can’t help feeling that this is the author’s way of killing time: that he doesn’t know what is actually going on in his story, or, if he does, he doesn’t know how to get it rolling.

And, oh, besides that: comma splices, typos, the fact that I’m wearing a space suit and carrying a samurai sword.

2 thoughts on “IF Competition Discussion: The Immortal”

  1. And even though you’re wearing the spacesuit with the helmet closed, you cover your nose and mouth when somebody throws sand at you…

  2. Spoilers.


    Something about the first part drew me in, I admit—the possibility of a surreal life-after-death yarn made me overlook the poor writing. I felt duty-bound to finish it at that point, but the story ends up being a lame Piers Anthony derivative. Eh.

    I felt duty-bound to finish it, despite how quickly it went south. You’re not missing anything by having given up. (Broken point system; some unhinted puzzles later on [I have to take off my spacesuit to fit by the thought bubble?]; an ending that’s abrupt and unrewarding, hinting at a sequel in such a way that one must wonder if he simply hadn’t enough time to *finish* it and just gave up entirely.)

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